Trying to lose weight so I can fit into a size 8 is ludicrous. What the hell is a size 8 anyways? Why aren't women's clothes sized like men's? Is it because the thought of being a 31 is too much for some chicks? I'd much rather buy a pair of jeans based on my hips, waste and length rather than pick up a size 12 so I can feel better about a lower, double-digit number. And yet, a 12 still seems like a lot.
So why is it that being a size 12 stresses me out so much? Who really cares? Well, I do. I was once a 0 at Abercrombie... wait, a 0?? Yeah, I was nothing. Then I grew some hips and was a solid 2/4 - but that was like 10 years ago. I get it that as women our bodies grow and develop and that these hips come out of nowhere, so being a size 2/4 is no longer attainable... unless I want to stop eating and that's not an option.
So I checked out what the "average" weight & size is for a girl of my 5'3" stature and what did I see? I should weight between 120-130 lbs. and be a size 4-8. Right. That's why I stress.
I'm not 120-130 lbs., I weigh 147 lbs. I don't wear a size 4-8, I can fit into a 10 or 12 depending on the outfit. Most people who hear I'm 147 and a size 12 don't believe it, but the proof is in the tag of my Express jeans.
Maybe I just wear my weight well? What does that even mean?
The bottom line is, I know I technically weigh too much and should try to drop 10-15 pounds, but who am I really doing it for? Bryan doesn't think I'm overweight. I don't think I look gross. Yet I am determined to fit into the mold society has made for 5'3" women like me.
My mom once told me she doesn't think I "have the confidence to lose weight." Maybe she's right, maybe I don't. Or maybe I'm just lazy? I think I'm just stubborn because I want to be able to eat chicken fingers and french fries and drink an ice cold sweet tea and not worry about how much time on the treadmill it's going to take to work it off.
Oh to be 18 again and able to eat whatever the hell I want and not worry about gaining weight... sigh.
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